Today, I want to teach you a new word: sonder.
Maybe you have heard of it before and it’s not new to you. Either way, it’s not a very common word, but it is necessary. It is a relatively new word, too, only first coined ten years ago to describe a realization that you may have had before…
…a realization that can change the way you relate to everyone you meet.
You know that your life is complicated. You feel the cloudy nature of your own “busyness;” you see your own schedule, feel your own feelings, and manage your own problems the best that you can.
And even though you know in your mind that everyone has schedules, feelings, and problems, maybe you do not live with this idea at the forefront of your mind. We tend to forget that everyone else has a life that is every bit as complicated and real as our own – everyone.
The people we pass on our way to work – we see their faces for only a moment, but they are on their way to jobs, too, to earn money to pay bills and support families… They are thinking their own thoughts about their own cares and concerns – coloring the day with their quirks – interacting with the world that we share in their own unique ways.
This realization is sonder.
And what, you may ask, does this have to do with mental health? I don’t blame you for wondering – after all, this isn’t a word-of-the-day email list…
Well, I’ll tell you!
We talked last week about how the brain is your most central organ – it is behind everything you are. People are complex and layered because their brains are complex and layered. And just like your brain impacts everything you do, everything you do impacts your brain.
It is easy to simplify people down to one part of themselves – to see the things they do and take them at face value and allow that to define them for us. But if someone is suffering, understanding the cause goes beyond just looking at a list of signs, symptoms, behaviors, and tendencies.
In my practice I watch this scene play out all the time…
…Someone is suffering. They reach out for help from their doctor.
…Their doctor offers them a treatment.
…The treatment doesn’t work. They are not seeing results.
…No one is asking questions. No one is trying to find out what else might be affecting the patient.
…The patient continues to see no results.
…The problem remains unresolved.
You have probably heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result…
I consider things differently, though.
In his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, my colleague and mentor Dr. Daniel Amen talks about the four layers to our mental health:
- biological (physical life),
- psychological (thought life),
- social (connection to others), and
- spiritual (connection to something bigger than one’s self).
He calls these the four circles and describes how they each impact someone’s mental well-being.
In other words, in order to care for someone, we must look farther, go deeper, and see past the surface. We must consider people wholly as they are.
I do not claim to know everything. I do not claim to have the best results in the world – or even in my own peer group. But one thing I do claim, and proudly: we are not one-dimensional creatures; everything is connected; and your brain impacts everything you do and everything you are.
Make today your masterpiece!
Florina
Get My Blog Posts Right in Your Inbox Every Week
Make your mental health a priority. Receive tips and strategies for living well – mentally, physically, and emotionally – every week.
Get My Free Guide: 7 Cheap, Simple Strategies for Boosting Your Brain Performance
Better focus – clearer memory – faster cognition – more mental clarity – improved intellect…
Your brain is capable of beautiful things. If you don’t think you’re getting the most out of your cranial supercomputer, you can reap the benefits of these 7 simple strategies for the low, low price of “free.”