It’s Not Just Who You Let In… It’s What You Let In

I’ll be honest with you.

Most of the damage we carry? It’s not random. It’s not bad luck. It’s what — and who — we allowed through the door.

I recently read a book that stirred something deep inside me. It’s called “Who’s In Your Room?” by Dr. Ivan Misner and his co-authors.

The premise is disarmingly simple — and deeply uncomfortable: Your life is like a room. There’s one door. It only opens one way. Once someone walks in, they can never leave.

Let that sink in for a second.

Every person you’ve ever let in — their words, their energy, their judgments — they’re still there. Still sitting in your space.

Still influencing your thoughts. Whether you realize it or not.

But as I sat with this idea — me, psychiatrist, mind surgeon by trade — I felt there was something missing.

Because it’s not just who you let in.

It’s what you let in.

And it’s often what you’re blind to that’s doing the most damage.

The Silent Killers You Invite In Every Day

It’s the croissant you call “just breakfast.” But it’s not just breakfast. It’s the sugar spike that jacks your insulin.

The crash that makes you impatient with your partner.

The irritability you blame on your meetings — but that started on your plate.

It’s the wine at night. “One glass to relax.” But it’s not just the wine.

It’s the anxiety at 3 AM. The broken sleep. The foggy mind you drag into work the next day.

It’s the scrolling. You say, “I’m just catching up.” But what you’re actually catching is a head full of half-truths, toxic comparisons, polished lies.

You go to bed feeling less than. You wake up already behind.

And here’s the hardest truth: It’s not even your voice saying you’re not enough.

It’s your mother’s.

Your ex’s. Your boss from ten years ago.

It’s the story they handed you—and you never gave it back.

But you keep feeding it. Day after day. Bite after bite. Scroll after scroll. Thought after thought.

This Is What Psychiatry Taught Me (and What They Don’t Tell You)

In psychiatry, we talk about biopsychosocial models.

Fancy words for the messy reality that your biology, your psychology, and your relationships are all tangled together.

But here’s the part we don’t always say out loud:

You are not just your thoughts. You are not just your genes. You are what you consume.

You are the sum of:

• What you eat.
• What you drink.
• What you read.
• What you watch.
• What you rehearse in your mind.
• Who you keep close.
• And what you tolerate.

Because what you tolerate… multiplies.

Every choice? Every habit? It either feeds your freedom — or your suffering.

The One-Way Door Doesn’t Care About Your Excuses

Here’s where it gets uncomfortable: The door to your room doesn’t care about your good intentions.

It doesn’t care if you “didn’t mean to let that belief in.”

It doesn’t care if the toxic person was family, or if the habit was “just for now.”

Once it’s in, it’s in.

And unless you consciously take back the space — unless you strip their power, challenge the belief, change the pattern — they will keep running the show.

Your show.

I’m Not Here to Make You Comfortable

I’m here to ask you the questions no one else will:

• Who’s in your room right now that doesn’t deserve to be?
• What thoughts are you feeding that would starve without your attention?
• What habits are draining you while you pretend they’re harmless?
• What beliefs are you still carrying that aren’t even yours?

Stop telling yourself it’s “just food.” It’s not just food.

Stop telling yourself it’s “just a bad habit.” It’s not just a habit.

Stop telling yourself you’re “too busy to change.” No. You’re busy keeping yourself stuck.

One Small Door. One Ruthless Decision.

Here’s the truth:

You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need another self-help book.

You need to take a hard look at your room. You need to choose what gets to stay.

You can’t evict the past. But you can decide how much space it gets.

You can starve the toxic thoughts by refusing to feed them.

You can set a plate that fuels your brain instead of frying it.

You can shut the screen.

Change the story. Speak to yourself like someone you actually care about.

But only if you decide.

So, Tell Me This:

If you closed the door today — right now — who or what would you stop letting in?

Write it below. Say it out loud. Make it real.

Because the room is yours.

But only if you claim it.

Warmly,

Florina

PS: This was inspired by the book “Who’s In Your Room?” by Dr. Ivan Misner, Stewart Emery, and Rick Sapio