Understanding the Change Paradox: Embracing Self-Acceptance and Breaking Down Mental Health Barriers

Are you familiar with the psychologist Carl Rogers? Whether you are or not, you may find his famous quote quite powerful:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

It does appear to be a paradox when we first consider his words. When we are most uncomfortable with ourselves, all we want to do is change – our insecurities, our flaws, our bad habits, we want to be rid of them. Only when we make peace with these things and stop beating ourselves up are we able to see them clearly enough to work through them.

But it seems like less of a paradox when we look closer…

Think about the caterpillar.

We watch millions of these little creatures become butterflies every year, but rarely do we walk away with the most valuable lesson they have to teach us: transformation is hard, but beautiful. The caterpillar does itself no good fighting itself. It undergoes a strange, messy process. But when it is complete, it has been well worth the effort.

The same is true for our own transformation. We may try to rail against ourselves, we may even try to change out of spite for ourselves, but really, only self-acceptance can bring the peace that we are seeking – and in turn, make healing possible.

This is one of the reasons I write to you each week. Little by little, it is my goal to tear down the stigma around mental health and its treatment – because when we see mental illness more clearly, we see ourselves more clearly, and we become more ready to take the steps necessary to heal.

Tell me if you’ve believed one of these mental illness myths…

1. “Solving mental illness is all about getting medication.” Medication may be helpful where abnormal brain chemistry causes mental illness, but psychiatry offers a wide array of treatment options, including counseling. Medication is also not an “easy button;” when prescribed, it addresses certain symptoms, but it may come with unwanted side effects.
2. “Mental illness is a personal or moral failure.” Mental illness is a medical condition, pure and simple. Someone’s identity and their mental health status are not related.
3. “Mental illness is a choice.” While it is true that our lifestyle choices can exacerbate mental illness the same way that they can exacerbate cancer, no one chooses their medical afflictions – and in the same way, no one chooses mental illness.
4. “Mental illness is rare.” As of 2019, the World Health Organization reported that 970 million people worldwide were living with some kind of mental illness – that is 1 in every 8. This was before the pandemic caused an increase in anxiety and depression.
5. “Mental illness is caused by bad parenting.” It is rarely so black and white. Our childhood experiences can contribute to our mental health status, but mental illness is not necessarily caused by bad parenting.
6. “Mental illness only happens to x group of people.” Mental illness is not a respecter of persons – or in other words, it does not discriminate. Any age, gender, race, or socioeconomic status can be impacted by mental illness.
7. “Mental illness makes someone dangerous.” It is easy to see why this is a myth when we consider how common mental illness is. In fact, people with mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of violence than inflictors of it.
8. “Seeking help for mental illness is a sign of weakness.” Everyone seeks peace. Everyone wants to be balanced in their mind. And while admitting that we are not may seem like it reflects our vulnerability, taking steps toward accomplishing that is a sign of incredible strength and courage.

And if you are struggling with your mental health, you are strong and courageous for seeking healing. There is no reason to believe otherwise.

What do you need today? What do you need this week? And what do you need overall? Answer these questions bravely, honestly, and embrace the transformation that those answers bring you toward!

Make today your masterpiece!

Florina