I’m Not Addicted… I Just Have One Glass a Day.

Imagine a quiet evening. The kids are finally asleep. You slip onto the sofa, the soft pop of the wine bottle marking the end of another long day. You pour a glass, not too much, just enough. It’s your moment. Your ritual. You’ve earned this.

But have you ever stopped to ask: Why do I need this to unwind?

I’ve heard it more times than I can count.

“I’m not addicted. I just drink a glass of wine every evening to relax. It helps me unwind.”

And I get it. As a psychiatrist, I’m not here to shame anyone. But I am here to ask hard questions. The kind that poke at the stories we tell ourselves to stay comfortable.

So here’s one: What makes a habit harmless, and when does it cross the line?

Addiction Doesn’t Start With a Crash

It starts with a whisper.

With a reward. A comfort. A glass. A pill. A scroll. A hit of dopamine that calms the storm inside.

In medical terms, addiction involves four criteria:

• Loss of control
• Compulsive use
• Continued use despite consequences
• Craving

Notice that “physical dependence” isn’t even on that list. That’s because addiction is not just about what a substance does to your body. It’s about what it does to your life.

And your silence.

Because the most dangerous addictions aren’t the ones that land people in emergency rooms. They’re the ones that become acceptable. Even invisible.

The Addiction Nobody Talks About

Our culture rewards busyness and burnout. So we drink to quiet the noise. We scroll endlessly to escape loneliness. We shop to feel something, anything.

And we don’t call it addiction. We call it normal.

But when something becomes the way you cope with everything, it becomes the one thing you can’t live without. That’s when it owns you.

What’s Going On In the Brain?

Substances and behaviors that feel addictive all work in similar ways: They hijack the brain’s reward system. They flood your system with dopamine. They bind to receptors meant to release calm, pleasure, safety.

And when you repeat them, your brain adapts. It needs more for the same effect. It stops making its own feel-good chemicals. And slowly, you go from using it to needing it.

Addiction Is Rooted in Pain

Dr. Gabor Maté, one of the most compassionate voices in addiction medicine, often says: “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain?”

And he’s right.

Behind almost every addiction is an attempt to soothe an old wound. A childhood of feeling unseen. A loss. An environment where emotions were dangerous, or love had to be earned.

Research shows that 40-60% of addiction risk is rooted in trauma and genetics. But I’ve seen it go even deeper. It’s not the substance that draws people in; it’s the temporary relief it offers.

Addiction, in this light, isn’t a disease of pleasure. It’s a response to suffering. It’s a strategy. A brilliant, desperate one, to survive something that once felt unbearable.

But what helps you survive can also keep you stuck.

So What Now?

I don’t want you to panic about your glass of wine. I want you to get curious about it.

• What role does it play in your day?
• What happens if you don’t have it?
• Could something else give you that same release?

The problem isn’t the wine. It’s the silence around it.

Final Thought

I’m not writing this to judge you. I’m writing it because I’ve sat with hundreds of people who’ve told me the same story. And behind every “I just drink a little to relax” is often a long history of pain that was never named.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s make space for the conversations we’re afraid to have. Because you don’t need to wait until things fall apart to realize something isn’t working.

Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is whisper the truth, before it starts screaming.

Warmly,

Florina